Miami Vice

I hated Miami the first time I was there…

Bugs, heat, and pretentious (yet smoking hot) Latinas who rarely give the time of day if you are driving anything less than a Ferrari.

Granted I was alone, working most of the time, didn’t speak a lick of Spanish and went to all the wrong places. Luckily this time around, I happen to have some tour guides who could take me to the less touristy more local spots.

$570 round trip, first class through American Airlines. Racking up those mileage points and I’ll be looking for one of their premiere credit cards to keep it growing. I did buy a ticket to the Admirals Club for $50. My flight left LaGuardia at 5:35am and Unfortunately the club didn’t open until AFTER I was boarding. Useless…

No problem I though, Miami International has an admirals club so I figured I would use it for the return trip. Unfortunately they told me the club was ‘full’ and they couldn’t accommodate me. Double fail from American Airlines. I think it’s time I start flying private.

Hotels in Miami are on the expensive side, especially in South Beach by the water. I’m also not a fan of the older, dirtier ‘art deco’ rooms these hotels offered, so I went with my favorite alternative AirBNB

Fun fact: I was told that short term AirBnB rentals are actually illegal in Miami, and if anyone asks that I am a friend of the owner. After some research it seems that single-family homes that are rented over a short term are considered ‘illegal hotels’ (source 1) (source 2).

The highlight of the trip, hands down was Joe Stone Crab. Anyone that has spent time in Miami recommended this as the place to go if you can catch it in season.

The restaurant is open through stone crab season (October 15th through May 15th), though I have read that their kitchen is still open for dinner during the summer. The crab claws are amazing, best I have ever had. Also recommended: the crab cakes, calamari, and tomatoes & cheese.

One gripe about them: Their whiskey menu included glasses of Pappy Van Winkle. Unfortunately their bottles only lasted about 2 weeks and by the time I got their they had gone through their entire supply. The disappointment of this blatant cock tease ALMOST had me walk out… But I had to try this place after all the recommendations I’ve heard.

I ate at Joe Stone’s everyday for lunch when I was there, and had some home cooked meals after a run to whole foods (the other advantage to AirBnB over a hotel: full kitchens). The only other restaurant worth mentioning down there would be Sushi Samba.

I’m a regular at the location in New York, but there was something about this place that was just slightly better. Might have just been the hot Latina who was serving us (I am a sucker for them), but there was one item you can’t get in New York… Their sliders.

Both the Miami and the New York location offers Wagyu beef sliders as an appetizer but the one in Miami offers them on a steamed bun, the kind you get at a Chinese restaurant. Seriously, they melt in your mouth. I’m considering going back down there just to order a half dozen for dinner. They are that good.

Otherwise at Samba I highly recommend the lobster taquitos and ANY of their samba rolls. A lot of people discount Sushi Samba for being a chain, yet the sushi is way better than a lot of so-called ‘authentic’ sushi places.

Ugh thinking about those sliders is making me hungry…

One last thing I need to mention… Mango’s.

Pretty tourist spot on Ocean drive, does live dancing shows, expensive drinks, shitty food, and has a bit of a ‘douchey clubby’ atmosphere at times. Yet, I loved this place!

Mango’s stays open till 5am, and it’s the last place people seem to flock too before calling it a night. Towards the back on the bottom floor they place live Latin music that gets everyone dancing. Salsa, Bachata, Samba, locals and tourists alike hit up the dance floor and it is an absolute blast!

Now being a gringo I spent most of the time stepping on toes, but the experience inspired me to want to take dance lessons and get good at Latin dance. Luckily, Mango’s offered Salsa lessons the very next night. What luck!

And so I arrive with a friend promptly at 8:00pm, a half hour before the dance lessons are supposed to begin. They tell us the instructor is running a little late and we should grab some food in the meantime. So we grab some quesadillas (which weren’t half bad) and wait for this instructor.

9:00pm rolls around, we proceed up to the dance room to find no one there. No instructor, and not a single other student. We inquire to the bartender who makes a call downstairs uttering something in Spanish to the hostess. After a minute on the phone he tells us the instructor is ‘in the building’ and we should just wait by the bar. He offers to make us a drink., which I assumed was going to be on the house for making us wait all this time.

Nope. He handed us the drinks along with the check.

10:00 – A whole hour and 2 more drinks later we come to find out that there is no Salsa lesson. I couldn’t tell if we were being hustled for drinks and food, or if there was a legitimate misunderstanding.

So bottom line for Mango’s: Cool live show, decent quesadillas, expensive drinks, fun Latin dancing, and fake Salsa lessons.

The biggest thing I got out of this trip was the bug for Latin dancing. As soon as I stepped off the plane I started my search for Salsa lessons in New York, and stumbled on Joel Salsa. That I think, will require another post.